Discipline leads to Determination

It is no secret that life is full of tough choices and challenges on a day-to-day basis. It is a relentless cycle of problem solving and constant internal strife. Success, though it holds different meanings for everyone, is no easy task in this age especially. But whatever be your destination, getting there is no child's play. But is it possible to make it easier for our children? As strange as the question is, the answer is surprisingly a YES!

Discipline, along with oodles of love and encouragement, is key to building their life skills. It takes a lot of hard work and commitment to raise your child to be a kind, determined and conscientious adult. Parenting is intrinsically a dynamic responsibility. Just as doctors or architects 'practice', parents are also constantly learning and growing. At the very outset, there are some myths about discipline that parents need to be aware of. The following are a few examples -

‘My wife will discipline, since I’m at work the whole day and anyways spend less time with the children’.

‘Give only love, never say no to anything, give everything the child wants.’

‘My husband will discipline, since the children don’t listen to me.’

‘Discipline is the school’s responsibility.’

‘He or she is still small, let them enjoy their childhood.’

Note: Its often heard, but seldom followed. Early to bed and early to rise makes one healthy wealthy and wise. Children (3 to 9 years) should sleep between 7pm and 8pm at night to get their 11 to 12 hours of desired sleep. This is a very crucial point that lends itself to the child’s brain development and overall physical growth.

b. Be consistent

Be consistent in your instructions and thoughts. You can vary your tone to connect to the child's receptivity. There may be times of rebel and tantrums. In these case, be wise about which battle you want to pick. If there are smaller issues that will not affect his/her thinking in the long run, you might as well give in. However, it is important not to make them feel they have an edge over you as they are clever enough to find ways around with their parents, while assuring them you still love them.

c. Right or Wrong 
Children can relate a lot to affirmative YES and affirmative NO. When he or she is doing a ‘wrong’ act, the parent MUST be very firm in explaining WHY it is wrong by stating the consequence of the act. No matter how much the child may rebel for the first time (if you haven’t tried it before), be firm about your opinion, and DON’T BUDGE. Next time it will be easier!

d. Punish and Reward 
DO'S -Reward by encouraging through words if the child follows. Always describe the act, and why you appreciate it. This will bring conviction within the child to always get it right. Punish by explaining what you didn’t like about what he or she did.

DON’TS - Often harsh punishments like standing against the wall, or putting him or her outside the house is quite demeaning to their self esteem and not preferred. Rewards by chocolates, or gifts will end up in a perpetual bribe that you will be forced to undertake every time you want your child to listen to you.

e. Connect 
Be sensitive to the child and you will be able to connect with his/her thoughts instantly. This builds the child's confidence in his/her parents and this will be the foundation for an easy and successful system of disciplining. 

Referring to the previous article, 'NO' will now help us balance the conscious choices we make for our children. The next time we say 'NO', it should be more so our conscious act to help the child grow and mature, rather than imposing our own motives to convenience ourselves. 

In the beginning, it might seem daunting to apply rules you have never heard of, but once you start, results are very quickly visible - you will see things falling into a pattern. It will be a joyous experience to watch your child grow up, and bloom as a person with values and conviction in what he or she does. The ‘shrama’ that you will be contributing to discipline your child will reap benefits manifold. It is only through discipline that he or she will strongly be able to harness determination when they grow up.

Disclaimer:

1.     Discipline is a vast topic, and hard to cover under one umbrella; so, I have touched upon it briefly.

2.     Also, please note that these articles are mostly coming out through personal experience, my own childhood, listening to parenting seminars serviced by BMS and the temple.

3.     Since it has a lot to do with experience, the age group I have trained is up to 6 currently. This does not go to say that these articles are not applicable to bigger children, but might need some modifications.